Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor

Background Noise

Last weekend, the trophy wife and I were installing new electrical service wires between the power pole and the barn. We previously buried the conduit, but I widened the trench at the pole with my backhoe and left the diesel engine idling while we snaked the wire through the conduit. I dropped into the trench at the barn with the trophy wife at the pole and because we barely had enough wire, it was imperative any extra be shifted to her side. I shoved the wire through and hollered, asking Druann how much she had on her end. I heard no reply, so I hollered again. After yelling several times, I marched across the driveway and repeated my question at a volume certain people might find offensive. Apparently, the trophy wife is certain people. She teared up and mumbled how I could do this project myself, or something like that as I couldn’t exactly hear her over the idling tractor. Background noise creates confusion, and this brings me to my point.

Aaron Flint, a Montana radio talk-show host, coined the phrase the “great FBI panty raid” on Mar-a-Lago and the term is a perfect fit. Contrary to the desires of the ruling class the raid solidified Trump supporters, so the DOJ quickly slipped leaks to their media mutts that Melania’s undergarment drawer might contain nuclear code secrets. Media activists hyped the story hoping the unwashed would believe Victoria’s Secret was launch codes. Like an idling diesel tractor, this DOJ banter is all background noise designed to obscure their true intent. They fear Trump will expose their corrupt political hit machine in his RICO suit. The panty raid was not to find evidence of a Trump crime, but to erase evidence of theirs. Now let me get back to my trophy wife who I left standing in the trench.

I killed the tractor and apologized for raising my voice. Unfortunately, the day we chose to run underground electrical service happened to be our 43rd wedding anniversary. I doubted conduit or 4/0 aluminum wire were the traditional gift for the 43rd anniversary, so that evening I searched the internet to see what gift was customary. Paper was listed for year one and cotton for year two but once past 15 years the website counted by 5s. Therefore, no specific gift is listed for anniversary 43, so I figured why not Tyvek. I bought Druann white Tyvek coveralls for next weekend when she pressure-washes the bat guano from the attic. She is one lucky girl.