The
garage thermometer read 22 degrees below zero when
the trophy wife and yours truly sprinted into the
darkness for our early morning run. With the
shortest day of the year a couple weeks away, we
will be home eating breakfast before the sun peeks
over the horizon. This frigid time of year separates
real runners from pretenders who wear spandex in
public just to embarrass their children. Contrary to
the conventional wisdom about freezing your lungs by
running in below zero temperatures, here is an
adaptation of an old saying which busts the myth:
“Each morning when the cold winter sun rises over
the eastern plains of Montana, the coyote knows it
must run faster than the slowest rabbit or it will
starve. Likewise, when the sun comes up the rabbit
knows it must run faster than the fastest coyote or
it will be eaten. The moral to the story being it
does not matter whether you are a coyote or a
rabbit, when the sun comes up you had better be
running.” Nowhere in the adage does it mention
either the coyote or the bunny freezing their lungs
because it does not happen. This falsehood is as
widespread as the myth knee arthritis is caused by
running. If I were truly immune to public opinion, I
would reveal the most common cause of acquired
osteoarthritis, but I am not, so I won’t. Now, I’ll
jump to my next myth.
It is probably just a coincidence, but this May
after finishing Montana’s 63rd Legislative Session,
digging a new hole for my outhouse was at the top of
my to-do list. Reseating the outhouse is not as
romantic as it sounds, so digging a deep hole
extends the time before you have to do it again.
Business consultants call this long-range planning.
My enthusiasm disappeared after four feet of
chipping at the hard, dry clay; an oddity for
springtime in Montana. Had I waited and dug my
outhouse in September, one of the wettest on record,
I could have passed through the six foot mark and
still been in wet clay so soft you could dig it with
a spoon. Unfortunately, you will need a knife or
fork to scrape gumbo off your spoon, so there is
never an easy time to re-set a Montana outhouse.
Because my two-holer uses no water or electricity,
nonsensical climate change alarmists would consider
it a green appliance; something I can use without
worrying about the size of my carbon foot print.
While hammering at the dried gumbo with my post bar
I thought how Al Gore would blame these desert
conditions on man caused global warming which can
only be reversed by taking money from those who have
earned it and giving it to those who have not, less
a small handling fee for the ruling class. Why do
people believe this leftist crap? This wealth
redistribution myth, euphemistically called a carbon
tax, cannot be busted using logic because followers
of this state sponsored religion are immune to
scientific fact. Instead, they feel things. Accept
their ideology, and the government will use tax
policy to make every day “feel” like the perfect day
to dig a new hole for your outhouse.
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