Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor

Drainage

Several decades back, we were trailing bulls from winter feed ground to the corrals. Breeding season was around the corner so the bulls would soon be scattered into several different pastures. Bulls only work about 45 days per year, just like Congress, but they think they are the most important cog in the wheel, also like Congress. This competitive attitude leads to bull fights and busted corral planks whenever they are gathered. Fortunately, the widespread use of artificial insemination has reduced the need for bull power but sadly, similar technology cannot replace politicians.

While following the bulls, we noticed one with a beachball sized swelling on his right hamstring. It was likely an abscess which we would lance once in the squeeze chute. Cattle are adept at forming abscesses due to their ability to wall-off an offending foreign body and then bombard it with millions of phagocytizing white blood cells. As an abscess ripens, it comes to a soft point and this one looked ready for surgery.

Because bulls will be bulls, they were generally screwing around as we trotted along. A quarter mile from the corral, one of the biggest bulls threw his head into the abscess bull smashing him right in the beachball. The abscess exploded. Nearby bulls and the roadside brush were covered with thick yellow pus as if attacked by Antifa terrorists chucking cream-filled doughnuts. It was spectacular, and this brings me to my point.

Progressivism is a massive abscess festering on America and I have been warning of this evil every week for all 16 years of this column. Every time it appeared America was going to be great again the abscess eroded through a blood vessel and made us sick again. Along came President Biden and he coalesced all the evil features of collectivism into one beachball sized abscess. Bless his heart. After choking domestic energy development, destroying our southern border, kinking the supply chain, ordering the greatest cut-and-run in world history in Afghanistan, President Biden brought his progressive abscess to a head with the stroke poke mandates. He desires to destroy everything American. General Schwartzkopf was the point of the spear in Gulf War I while Brandon is the point of the abscess-fitting metaphors. His policies are so repulsive even his most loyal supporters are jumping ship and 29 Democrats have announced their retirements. The 2022 elections give we patriots a perfect opportunity to lance the progressive abscess and let its toxic policies drain into the history books once and for all.