Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor

Going to Town

When I started Double Rafter Cattle Drives, I needed proven cow ponies. Several times each year, I would buy five new horses and put a week’s hard ride on them in the mountains. If three were useable, they went into the string while the two jugheads went back to town. Today’s story is about a red sorrel who went back to town.

I called the horse Red and did not own him long enough to tag him with a proper name. On his first morning, I saddled and circled him, stepped into the stirrup and he exploded. In the five rides I made over the next seven mornings, I never did get the off-side stirrup before he went full stupid. After a 12-mile climb into the mountains, Red might let me get both stirrups but even then, he was as tight as a banjo string. Knowing he would eventually hurt someone paying me for a premium, western vacation, I sent him to town and here is why this is timely.

Let’s use Red to put a face on the stroke poke because they are dangerously similar. If guests had swung on Red every morning since the stroke poke was released, he would have killed 23,048 unsuspecting riders. The CDC acknowledges these deaths as true only because they can find no other possible cause. Over this same timeframe, Red permanently injured 38,219 riders also per the CDC. Various data analysts project true death and disability figures to be 40 times higher than what is reluctantly admitted. Those are massive numbers, so Red is not safe, and neither is the stroke poke.

Regarding Red’s effectiveness, the data shows he is not a champion cutting horse. Were a cow of the alpha breed to break for the timber, Red would haze her back to the herd 0.3 to 0.5 percent of the time. If a high-headed delta cow sprinted for an open gate, Red would do absolutely nothing. Worse yet, when the omicron cattle began walking the fence, Red crowded them through the wires eight times faster than if they were left alone. Thus, just like the stroke poke, Red is neither safe nor effective and this brings me to my point.

Knowing this about Red, would you ride him three, four or five times in a year just because the ruling elite say he is free, safe, and effective? Probably not. Paradoxically, those who have survived two goes on Red, refuse to acknowledge the injury he is inflicting on others. This crime against humanity will continue unless the poked speak up. Red and the stroke poke need to go to town.