Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor

Raiding the Patch

My seasonal war on wildlife has begun; something which started when I was twelve. Back then, the raccoons began raiding our corn patch, so I grabbed my Winchester, pump-action, 20-gauge shotgun, my springer spaniel, and rolled out my sleeping bag in the garden. When the nocturnal, masked marauders arrived I planned to unleash the gates of hell on their feast. They came as expected but I never knew exactly how many there were because my dog and I slept through it all. They won round one.

I now protect my corn patch with an electric fence. A couple years back a hungry marauder attempted to squeeze between a sprinkler pipe and a charged fence wire and there he met his demise. The struggle marks in the mud suggest his death was not instantaneous and I would have argued a fence charger does not have the zap to kill a critter, but given the circumstances, I would be wrong. He was dead.

The raccoons consumed our corn crop last year despite our fence, and we suspect the aspen trees shading the garden gave them free access to our goodies. This year we segregated the corn patch in the center of the garden and tilled a no-man’s land for our electric fence around its borders. Time will tell if we win, and this brings me to my point.

In the five decades since my corn patch sleep-over, there were 40 years I had no garden, so I was not concerned with what critter was frolicking in my food supply. However, President Obama, along with my time in the legislature, awakened me to the evil intent behind progressivism. Under the guise of diversity, inclusiveness, equity, and climate change, Mr. Obama attempted to collapse the American economy to force the great unwashed to their knees. Hungry peasants are the easiest to control. I have raised a garden every year since my awakening and surprise, surprise, Obama is back. Rather than personally ripping the ears from the stalks as he did in 2008, today’s is a garden raid by proxy with President Biden destroying our land of milk and honey. Leftists are aggressively trying to starve the little people. We have skyrocketing energy costs, limited supplies of very expensive fertilizer, food producing plants mysteriously burning to the ground and fat cattle dying in the corn belt. Coupling these current events with the fact Bill Gates and the Chinese Communist Party are sucking up farm and ranch ground suggests a crisis is brewing which cannot be solved with an electric fence. Wake up, they are raiding your corn patch.