Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor

Sorting Critters

Most ranchers tweak the body condition of their cows between the weaning of one calf crop and the calving of the next. Over feeding fat cows is costly and detrimental, so astute managers sort the thin from the fat. Twenty or so bred mommas are placed at one end of the alleyway with three exit gates at the opposite end. The big kahuna sorts each cow down the alley, judges the cow and calls out the gate containing those with a similar body condition. It is usually an “inside,” “outside,” or “bye” command which spurs one of his three kids to quickly open their gate. Trophy wives can substitute as gate operators, but this always ends badly. For unknown reasons, the manner and speed with which trophy wives swing their gates seems to irritate all but the most patient big kahunas. Words are usually exchanged. Ranch families run by short-tempered, cow men typically have at least three children because there is no way the trophy wife will run a sorting gate more than once. I’ll wait while you check the data, but I am right.

A similar, but more devious sort is currently occurring across America, but rather than happening in corrals and alleyways, it is being performed in government databases at healthcare facilities. Here is how it works: Hypothetically, let’s say you fall off a roof and fracture your femur. While ER nurses shred your clothes someone manning a laptop asks if you have been Covid poked. You snap, “No, nor will I ever be!” Per new CDC guidelines you will be given the numerical code Z28.310 as part of your permanent electronic medical record. You just got sorted. The surgical staff fixes your femur and after extensive physical therapy you are almost as good as new.

Three years pass, and the wind blows you off the roof again but this time you break both ankles. Back in ER, they scissor off your pants and ask your jab status. For the second time you code a Z28.310 so they give you Tylenol, a bullet upon which to bite and instructions to come back in six months if things do not improve. Welcome to the cull pen where care is rationed based on your socio-medical, obedience score, and this brings me to my point.

The Hippocratic Oath to “above all, do no harm,” has been replaced by the medical mafia’s trendy and universal mantra “safe and effective.” We unwashed purebloods must either submit to the jab, or we will get no treatment and we will like it. Had enough?