Several years back I decided to run
my hot weather races wearing my straw hat for shade
and spectators frequently yell “hey, I like your
hat”. This June, while descending the unmerciful
Tongue River Canyon on the Big Horn Trail Run I
heard a “nice hat” comment from a fellow competitor
and this gave my semi-comatose mind something to
ponder the last five miles of the hot, dry and
boring gravel road exiting the canyon. The cowboy
hat is truly a unique American symbol and we freedom
fighters battling to restore our republic should
adopt it as an emblem signifying our allegiance to
our cause. Thanks to John Wayne and Roy Rogers,
Americans reflexively know the person under the hat
is ruggedly independent, hardworking, courageous,
God fearing and compassionate; traits despised by
the ruling class. We should capitalize on this.
Think of the intimidating impact a leftist
politician would suffer while holding a microphone
preparing to address a crowd when nearly every
member of the audience is sporting a 30X beaver.
Unfortunately, this would only work at outdoor
rallies as every cowboy’s momma taught them to never
wear their hat indoors. Think about it.
Unfortunately, cowboys who have foundered on the
progressive Kool-Aid and vote a straight Democrat
ticket face a dilemma. Apparently they think it is
fitting and proper for government to steal large
portions of the wages they earned night calving
heifers to redistribute to the lazy dudes back at
the bunkhouse sitting on the sofa watching American
Idol. I do not. Such cowboys will be lost as
collateral damage in our battle for freedom so they
best exchange their cowboy hat for a gang-banger
stocking cap; attire more fitting to their voting
pattern.
Adopting the cowboy hat as our rallying symbol means
a whole lot of people who don’t know which end of
the cow gets up first will be wearing hats. This is
fine. One need not actually own cows to embrace the
cowboy principle of rugged individualism and
independence. Over my 57 years, I can only think of
one time when I wished I hadn’t been wearing my
cowboy hat. It happened over two years ago, but was
so traumatizing this is the first I have spoken of
it. Here is the story.
Team Beef Montana, comprised of me, the trophy wife
and ten other Montanans, had just competed in the
200 mile Hood to Coast relay race in Oregon. We had
made the trek in two, 12 passenger vans and were
headed home to the Treasure State. At a fuel stop in
the Columbia River Gorge all we Montanans stretched
sore muscles before we crawled back into the vans
and attacked the second and longest leg of our trip
home. I drove van #2 across the dry plains of
eastern Washington with the monotony of the trip
interrupted by curious stares of passing motorists.
Even van #1 would occasionally pull alongside us
smile, wave and then laugh. “What’s up with them?” I
thought. Just east of Spokane, we pulled into a very
nice rest area for a picnic lunch and another
stretch. My teammates, a term I use very, very
loosely, exploded from van #1 in hysterics as if
their driver for the last 300 miles had been Tim
Conway. Sara and Alex wobbled towards me as if
weakened from laughter. Between guffaws Sara finally
pointed at the back of my van where they had stuck a
magnetic bumper sticker reading “I (heart) Gay
Porn.”
Suddenly I understood the horrified facial
expressions of a nice little family in a mini-van I
had passed three hours earlier outside Umatilla; a
memory which choked the chuckles right out of me. I
imagined this family was enjoying a great Sunday
morning driving home from church until they passed a
van full of sinners who appeared to be escapees from
Brokeback Mountain. With that off my chest, I’ll
jump back to my point.
For city patriots wishing to join our cause,
purchase the best hat you can afford. If you grab a
$4.98 Wal-Mart special you will look like Woody from
Toy Story; a cartoonish image unbecoming true
freedom fighters. Shopping at a well-established
western wear store is a good bet, but if you are
truly committed to restoring our great republic
invest in a custom built hat. It is not cheap, but
spending $300 to $500 for proper attire will give
you skin in the game and restoring the founding
principles of limited government is worth it. Will I
see you wearing a hat at my next political rally?
|