Brokeback Mountain II

(What Should have happened)

 Krayton Kerns
3.1.06

           A few Friday nights ago, I was enjoying food, drinks, and friendly conversation down at the Palace.  We basketball parents were having another victory party.  (We have found it is not actually necessary to have a victory prior to the celebration.  It is less stressful to have the party now in anticipation that someday we will actually place one in the “W” column.)

             Enjoying the warm glow of the evening, I sat reminiscing about the night’s game.  My friend Bob came strolling over to my table and prodded, “Hey Krayton, have you seen Brokeback Mountain yet?”

             I choked on my Moose Drool. 

            “Now Bob,” I said, “Let’s think about this for a second.”  Bob is a good friend who agrees with me on everything.  He too is always right.  It is a gift. 

“Number one,” I explained, “I don’t like movies that start with the letter ‘B’. 

“Number two, I am sick and tired of the liberal Hollywood elite trying to portray life as they would like to see it rather than how it really is.  Take the ‘F word’ for example.  It is an incredibly powerful word IF YOU USE IT ONLY ONCE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFETIME!  Hollywood uses it like a comma.  No one talks like that.” 

“Number three,” I went on, “I refuse to see that movie, but I will see the sequel.” 

“They’re putting out a sequel already?” Bob shot back. 

“Yep, and I am writing the screenplay.”  I smugly admitted.  “Somehow we’re going to digitally cast John Wayne as the wagon master / sheep ranch owner.  We’re going to blend his Rooster Cogburn and McClintock characters together.  Good ol’ John, steps into the barn, and straightens out the whole damn mess in the first scene………..including credits, the entire film last ten minutes.” 

“Wow,” said Bob, “God Bless John Wayne!”