The Ten Suggestions

 Krayton Kerns
3.1.06

 I think I can prove that God is a Republican.  Think about this.  When Moses descended from Mount Sinai he carried with him the Ten Commandments.  If you can read Hebrew (I can’t) you will find the rules are very straight forward….pretty much black and white. So, a few weeks ago while I was pregnancy checking heifers, I started to compile a list of how the Ten Commandments would read if God were something other than a Republican.  Here they are: 

            God as a southern Democrat………………Ten Dang Good Ideas. 

            God as northeastern liberal elitist…………Ten Suggestions For The Little People 

            God as a Libertarian………………………..Everybody Make Up Their Own Commandments. 

            God as a Montana cowboy………………..Ten Commandments….And I Won’t Tell You Again. 

            God as a Hollywood producer…………….Ten *##^&*^# Commandments 

            God as Richard Simmons………………… …. Eight, And Nine, And Ten…C’mon You Can Do It. 

            God as Arnold Schwarzenegger……………Ten Commandments…And I’ll Be Back. 

            God as Howard Dean……………………..Ten AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

            God as Governor Schweitzer……………...Ten…..Hey, Ya Wanna Go For A Plane Ride? 

            God as a high school dropout……………...tEnn kamandmnts….Ya Want Fries With That? 

            God as a liberal arts graduate………………Ten Lovely Suggestions...Do You Want Fries With That?           

            Okay, I better stop, but you get my point.  The Ten Commandments are just that, commandments.  One of the easiest to understand is Thou shall not steal.  That commandment kept bouncing around inside my brain as I watched the cable news coverage of the looting of New Orleans in the wake of Katrina.  Every news anchor would dismiss the behavior as excusable because people were starving or dying of thirst.  Setting aside the fact that there is not much nutrition in a Sony DVD player or a pair of Nike Air Jordan’s, lets think about this for a moment. 

            You and your family are sitting in a room full of food belonging to someone else.  You are starving.  No one will know the difference.  Do you take something under the guise that your family needs it?  Is it not more honorable to sit and starve, than it is to break a commandment to satisfy an earthly desire?  And here I will leave you hanging.  Think about it.