Better Living Through Greater Regulation

Krayton Kerns
4.11.07

Some legislation is needed; some isn’t.  In addition to budget debates that decide how much of your money we legislators are going to allow you to keep, we tackle other critically important issues like cell phone abuse.  

Picture this:  You are lying on the couch watching Oprah, eating Doritos, and picking lint from your navel.  Your old lady struggles into the room carrying six Wal-Mart bags and a box of Tide.  Exasperated she drops her armload on the counter, points her cell phone at you and complains, “Any luck finding work today?” 

With a belch you spring to your feet, trip over the dog and stumble to the kitchen counter.  

A nasty argument develops and you grab your wife’s cell phone and slam it on the counter.  With plastic shrapnel ricocheting off the walls you have just violated SB350, and Act establishing the crime of tampering with or destroying communication equipment.   Violators of this law can be fined up to $1000 and sentenced to six-months in jail.  

This bill was brought before the Judiciary committee under the pretense domestic violence would be curbed if there was an enhanced penalty for destroying Nokia’s finest circuitry.  I was unconvinced.  I was also in the minority so SB350 is headed for final approval in the House.  Proponents of this legislation want to protect your life one appliance at a time.  Today it’s cell phones; tomorrow it will be microwaves and coffee pots.  Sleep well; the nanny state has your back…and you get to pay for it.