Please Pass the Crow
Krayton Kerns
12.27.06
How do you like your crow? I am forced to eat a little and I am looking for cooking tips. I have recipes for mud duck that can be adapted to crow, but I am confused as to the best seasoning for the feet and beak.
Here is the story: Several years back I was a frustrated coach of a middle school basketball team. Because they were fashion conscious, my players insisted on wearing oversized gym trunks with the waist band and hanging off their butts. This meant that a sudden defensive pivot could cause their shorts to slip, so one hand always clutched their waist band. Most of our competitors dressed the same so, like everyone, we looked moderately ridiculous playing one-armed-shuffle-footed basketball.
While banging my head on my clipboard, I warned my players I would bench anyone I saw tugging their shorts or I would take duct tape and fix the problem. The under-your-cheeks saga continued all season and we finished a proud 0 and 10. Because of this fashion controversy I dubbed them “the dumbest generation” in American history. Unfortunately, recent news has proven me wrong. Theirs isn’t the dumbest generation; mine is. Please pass the crow.
Senator Max Baucus, a member of my generation, announced December 15th that he has secured $72 million in financing to jumpstart 34 new wind energy projects in Montana. Just like wearing your shorts with your crack exposed, investing in wind energy feels good but solves nothing. Here’s why:
We have no way to store electricity. If the Judith Gap Wind Farm is cranking out megawatts of power, it must be used immediately by someone, somewhere on the transmission gird. If its 3:00 am and most Montanans are in bed, the useless power is shorted to the ground and is gone.
Conversely, at 6:00 am, when folks crawl out of bed, and turn on the radio, lights, and coffee pot, the demand for electricity is immediate. But, if the wind quit blowing you will have no power…unless you also have a reliable backup system like hydroelectric, coal or gas powered plants. And that is why alternative wind energy electricity is so expensive, it requires two systems to make one work.
Since I am now a politician, I will offer this deal to my former players: You pull your waist band above your crack and tighten your belt, and I won’t saddle your generation with the debt of useless, expensive “feel-good” alternative energy systems.
