Six of the Top Ten Things I Learned in my Campaign

 Krayton Kerns
11.8.06

10)  When driving down the road with a four-foot square campaign sign displayed prominently in the bed of your pickup, you do not enhance your campaign by giving other drivers the finger.  (Even if they really need it.)

9)      The aforementioned pickup sign measures 8 feet from ground level to sign top.  It is impossible to smash this mobile campaign unit through a 6’-8” high garage door…regardless your speed at impact. 

8)      If you smile and wave too much people think you need to adjust your medication. 

6)      Never question the loyalty of a Hereford breeder.  You can insult their kids, their dog, their cat, and their lawn furniture, but mention their cancer-eyed, prolapsing, sun-burned bag cow and you have crossed the line.  (Oops, I did it again.) 

4)      When campaigning door-to-door, if it is over 92 degrees and there are more than three lactating or pregnant dogs in the front yard, there is an 83% chance the homeowner will answer the door in his underwear. 

1)      While I was walking the Fourth of July parade route in my swim trunks, some viewer screamed, “Doc, you’re awfully white, you need to get some sun!” 

      I shot back, “Every time I’m outside with my shirt off, my arms are usually inside  a cow!”  That was a mistake.  That mental picture startles city folk.