The Solution

 Krayton Kerns
7.23.08

Last week I attended the State Legislative Leaders Foundation program at the University of Virginia.  Fifty-two legislators from thirty-three states trekked to Charlottesville where I learned that problems affecting other states are identical to those facing Montanans; theirs are just a little more humid than ours.  

After twenty some hours of class time, we law makers reached the astounding conclusion that there is one simple solution to America’s problems, but it isn’t more legislation.  Let me explain our thoughts.  (No tax dollars were used and no animals were harmed in creating this analogy.)  

Several years ago I developed a City-Slickers style cattle drive business in Wyoming.  Guest cowboys paid top dollar for the experience of chasing calves through the fence as we trailed our herd up the Big Horn Mountains.  To keep our guest mortality rate at an acceptable level we began each week with an extensive “things-not-to-do” safety list.  Our forecasting ability proved no match for the creativity of a New Yorker with a new hat and a set of spurs, so the list grew every trip.  For instance: 

Our “New York cowboy” rides into our mountain camp and without thinking, ties his horse to the guy rope of his wall tent.  (Wall tents just love this game.)  The exhausted “cowboy” ducks to enter the tent and flips open the tent flap.  The horse spooks back a step, so the tent jumps at the horse.  The horse spooks back three more steps.  The tent giggles and chases the horse all three steps.  With a crash the ridge pole hits the ground and the race begins.  For the next thirty seconds the wall tent chases the horse through camp.  

Without fail, our “cowboy” then recognizes his mistake, frantically screams to any nearby crew member for help, and then he dangerously sprints between his horse and tent and begins yelling “Whoa!” (Surprisingly, neither the horse nor the tent “whoa”…both apparently go deaf when playing this game.)  Eventually, the wall tent gets winded and plays dead, so the horse stops running.  This is when a crew member quietly slips in, unties the horse, and makes a mental note to add this to the “things-not-to-do-list”. 

There are two things to learn about this catastrophe:  1) Screaming “whoa” and running between the horse and the tent increases the risk factor by one-third.  2)  Don’t expect someone in a white hat (crew member) to save you every time you make a mistake.  Life’s lessons are best learned when you suffer the consequences of your decisions, and this brings me to the solution upon which we legislators agreed:   

Most of society’s problems are created by the breakdown of the American family.  As such, problems will never be fixed by hurriedly passing more laws.  Just as jumping between your horse and a charging wall tent was a bad idea, so is reactionary legislation.  Fixing the problems of this great nation begins at home…at your dinner table…between you and your family.