Top Ten Things I Learned in my Door-To-Door Campaign

 Krayton Kerns
11.23.07

10)    When driving down the road with a four foot square campaign sign displayed prominently in the bed of your pickup, you do not enhance your campaign by giving other drivers the finger. (Even if they really need it.) 

9)      The aforementioned pickup sign measures 8 feet from ground level to sign top.  It is impossible to smash this mobile campaign unit through a 6’-8” garage door…regardless your speed at impact. 

8)      If you smile and wave too much people think you need to adjust your medication. 

7)      Dogs don’t like politicians any more than they like veterinarians.  When I knock on the door, dogs hate me twice 

6)       Never question the loyalty of a Hereford breeder.  You can insult their kids, their dog, their cat, and their lawn furniture, but mention their cancer-eyed, prolapsing, sun-burned bag cow and you have crossed the line.  (Oops, I did it again.) 

5)       People with the strongest opinions are the least likely to spend the $15 and enter a campaign themselves. 

4)  If it is over 92 degrees and there are more than three lactating or pregnant dogs in the front yard, there is an 83% chance the homeowner will answer the door in his   underwear. 

3)        Running for the legislature is like starting a family; it seemed like a good idea at the time. 

2)  You cannot guess someone’s party affiliation by the presence of back hair.  Even it’s your relative’s house; go ahead and ask her straight out. 

1)      While I was walking the Fourth of July parade route in my swim trunks some parade viewer screamed, “Doc, you’re awful white, you need to get some sun.”  

I shot back, “Every time I’m outside with my shirt off, my arms are usually inside a cow!”  That was a mistake…that mental picture startles city folk.