The Ultimate Political Compliment

 Krayton Kerns
2.6.08

If you have ever wondered exactly how big a nincompoop you are just run for office…someone will tell you.  That’s one of the benefits to public service.

Last spring I had successfully moved my coal bed methane bill (HB383) through the House but the reception I received before the Senate Natural Resources and Energy Committee was less welcoming.  The anti-development crowd had watched the bill navigate the House and they were well prepared to kill it in the left-leaning Senate. As I exited the crowded hallway outside the hearing room after presenting my case, there was a phrase shot my direction that confused me. At the time I thought it an insult but, after reading a news story last Tuesday, now I know it means I will never have brain cancer.

The January ‘08 New Scientist magazine reports that dairy farmers, because of the dried manure they inhale, are five times less likely than the general populace to develop lung cancer.  Scientists speculate that the higher exposure to germs stimulates a person’s resistance to cancer.

Obviously, if having manure in your lungs prevents lung cancer, having “crap for brains” should prevent brain cancer.  The expression I heard in the capitol hallway must have been an expression of goodwill.  It is similar to telling an actor to “break a leg.”

Following the logic further, being “full of crap” is actually a positive expression of your overall healthfulness.  Therefore the longer I stay in public service the more “full” of healthfulness I become.  Gosh, I will be almost immortal…by the time I die.