What's In Your Refrigerator?
Krayton Kerns
2.21.07
Thursday February 15th was a big day in the House Judiciary Committee. After receiving hundreds of e-mails and letters post marked from all across the United States we finally held the public hearing on HB#534. Representative Ron Erickson of Missoula brought us an Act Requiring the Use of a Motorcycle Helmet When Operating a Motorcycle or Quadricycle. This law would require all you farmers and ranchers to wear a helmet with the chin strap properly buckled, before you jump on your four-wheeler and run to the mailbox.
Supporters brought forth facts and figures explaining the high level of head injuries in motorcycle crashes. The healthcare expense of repairing these injuries was costing the taxpayer millions of dollars and that is why we legislators were being asked to regulate this freedom to extinction.
The opponents argued it was their motorcycle and their brain, so it was their decision how to spend their healthcare dollar. They produced statistics that at speeds beyond 22mph a helmet is just a decoration. One creative opponent brought out the interesting fact the proposed law did not define a helmet, so she demonstrated that one fashioned out of duct tape and an old metal enamel bed pan would be legal. It appeared aerodynamic, but would require a certain level of self-confidence to wear such headgear.
After an hour of testimony, the hearing was closed and we killed the bill 16 to 1. Hopefully that will stop all the post cards…I was getting a head injury reading them all.
That afternoon, I pondered the supporter’s claim the government should protect us from ourselves. It is from this emotional position that primary seat belt and gun control laws originate. If your logic meter is broken you can be infected with this compassionate disease. At a moment of susceptibility Thursday evening, the thought struck me; helmets are a great public health and safety idea, but not for your motorcycle; for your refrigerator. Here’s why:
Statistics show that heart disease related to obesity is a huge killer in America; far greater than head injuries from motorcycle crashes. On my way home from the capitol I grabbed a large super-supreme pizza and a twelve-pack. Digging through the garage I found my 1972 Skidoo helmet, banged out a mouse nest, and raced to the kitchen. Opening the door of the refrigerator and removing a carton of sour milk, I placed my old helmet on the top shelf and then tried to squeeze in the twelve-pack and the pizza box. It couldn’t be done. I had a beer and tried again. It still wouldn’t fit. I experimented most of the evening and reached the astounding conclusion that requiring a motorcycle helmet in your refrigerator will cut down on your storage of pizza and beer. This would force weight loss, lessen the incidence of heart disease and thereby lower healthcare costs to the taxpayer. Now that would be a great feel-good-but-do-nothing-because-the-government-is-your-momma-bill. It may sound ridiculous but look for it in the ’09 legislature.
